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These Years

by Asela Perera

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1.
The art of getting by, The catchphrase of my life, Fire's doused in the sea at night, Wind's got my hair, I don't care, No lie.   It's not a fault to see my way, Your weight in gold maybe my color of gray, In the crowds of New Year's eve, You'll find me right where I need to be, Right where I will be.   You see I’m a painter, I paint at will, You share your doubts, I share my guilt, If I let the rain parade, Then shall my summers fade to gray.   And of course I'm the one that lives to give, Take from me till I’m rag and filth, Sure it stings but your pain is might, I'll shelf my weight, Pray tell what's on your mind.   After all,  I am the art of getting by, The catchphrase of this life, Fire's doused in the sea at night, Wind's got my hair, I don't care, No lie.
2.
There are times and moments where we were just spent, Calling, falling, breathing every moment like it's our last, Giving into all those endless arguments, The weathered weary state, the house up on the left.   But we called it, honey, Though we fought the fight, The failing of emotions, Cracks under the ocean, Till there's nothing left, But this ghost machine to last forever.   Several years in motion and I found myself, Standing, no more than a stranger, on the corner of 110/10, Trying to find the reason, more than a headless argument. But the door it fell, and the house it called, "Just stay here for a moment longer".   But we called it, honey, Though we fought the fight, The failing of emotions, Cracks under the ocean, Till there's nothing left, But this ghost machine to last forever.
3.
There's a map with the lines and dilemma, I'm quite sure that I leave tonight, A foregone conclusion, a quiet conversation, In the dawn, the breaking of light. And I will be just a flickering scene, Just a frame in the story of you and another, A foregone conclusion, a fallback solution, To your convenient dream. Dream. Dream.   There's a map with fault lines and conclusions, Of where I should go and where you should be, A foregone conclusion, a silent realization, These lines were all drawn in by me. So I take belief while you find your peace, Not one fault is bigger than the other, A foregone conclusion, a calming surrender, To love, to life and to dreams. Dream. Dream.   If you should find a day that you would call my name, Remembering me right by your side, For hopes of a dance, for a minute, one last chance, Just think twice and please realize.   That I’m a foregone conclusion, A foregone conclusion, A foregone conclusion, a foolproof delusion, To your convenient dream.
4.
There's a time that there's fire, Burning down all my thoughts, I would not know what would transpire, All the while I would fall.   Fall.   Insecurities and misgivings, Second thoughts about this life I seem to be living, In my mind there's a fire, But in my heart there's no desire.   There are times that there's fire, Surrounded by the ones we love, Open skies, fallen leaves and conversations, They refuse to let me trip and fall.   Fall.   You and I, we are the cages, Fierce protectors of our hearts, As long as in my mind there's fire, Then my heart will burn with desire.   Desire.
5.
These Years 03:48
Tonight when we ride, Through this onset with all this regret. Frail and cold Is the story told, When my broken soul takes a backseat, Burn alongside the fire where I hid my fears, Wondering what these years have taught me, Have taught you now. When all is gone, When my time has come, Will I lay to rest all the things that make no sense. Will I find peace in the silent space? Between my tongue and the words I dare not say. You might wonder what I'm trying my best to say, With these hollow prayers that walk beside me everyday. All I ask Is for some peace of mind, The joy of the moments that are too far to find. Take away golden glory, It only weighs me down, Puts me in debt to the ones I'd rather crown, As kings of a kingdom that is as broken as you and as I, And as I’ve learnt with time, That fears I did once hide are the ones that must be faced, Or I'm no better than my face. To let dead weight go, Is the hardest we all know, My heart held on to all those years for hope, For love is strong, But it will take you down, First you must learn to love yourself, Then love the ones you found. Tonight when we ride, Through this onset with all this regret. All I ask Is for some peace of mind, The joy of the moments that are too far to find.
6.
Head/Heart 02:07
Quiet is the dawn that breathes in today, Silent as the rising signs of your grace, These years are what was told, Now we know, My heart's caught up with my head. Take the time and call it now, Surrender.
7.
Waiting Room 04:24
I've been waiting, In this waiting room, For a certain someone, To tell me the news. To break it down, Like they should have done before, But tell me now, Does your heart crave for more? I've been waiting, In this waiting room, Stacked up in line, With the smell of cheap perfume. Give me reason, Give me rhyme, But don't give me no lie, Give me signs, Give me signs, That it all ends tonight. Cos I am waiting, For that one simple truth, That there's not a chance, I would find you waiting for me too. Someday you'll be willing, For him to tell the lie, You once told me but truly did deny. But I pray, You won't find yourself waiting, In this waiting room for two.
8.
Aftermath 04:54
In this life believe in who you are, what you are and what you bring, But if I’m honest with myself i must admit it was never worth anything, To say no to reason, held back the season, lost out to our own collusion, There's no time to believe in what i could be, To believe in me.   You'll find me in the aftermath with my head held high, While all the memories burn ablaze in a fire that consumed our very thoughts. You'll find me in the aftermath when all is said and done, With realization of a truth that some will love and not be one.   On this night take a bow, take applause, tell me how I fall, And if you're honest with yourself, you must admit there is confusion, in your head, Oh now gone are the days with the kid living in the summer haze, Dreaming all is right, Gone are the hopes and the dreams, Everything you'd ever seen in me.   You'll find me in the aftermath with my head held high, While all the memories burn ablaze in a fire that consumed our very thoughts. You'll find me in the aftermath when all is said and done, With realization of a truth that some will love and not be one.   There is some water in my eyes, There is some water in my eyes, Wont you dry the water in my eyes, Won't you stop the water in my eyes.   You'll find me in the aftermath with my head held high, While all the memories burn ablaze in a fire that consumed our very thoughts. You'll find me in the aftermath when all is said and done, With realization of a truth that some will love and not be one.
9.
Courage 05:45
Fill the years with courage, Marching in your sleep, Trade the grave for gravel, Show the signs, Give due time, And find.   Raise a hand & be counted, Or be painted on a canvas, Reflect a light into the tunnel, Show the signs, Give due time, And find.   Trust without borders, Life without the lines, Is that what you're here for? Is that what we find? Judgment in the morning, Sirens in the night, One abandoned stranger, Or a nation in the fight.   Don't you understand this? Don't i understand this? Don't we understand this?   So fill these years with courage, Marching in your sleep, Trade these graves for gravel, Show the signs, Give due time, And find.
10.
11.

about

"These Years" is an attempt to capture a period of time which reflects personal experiences, highs and lows, lessons learnt, subtle joys and a very human struggle. It is a reflection of time. A struggle to understand how time molds us to be who we are right now. At this very moment, for better or for worse.

credits

released September 6, 2015

Credits & Thanks to:

Savini Chandrasinghe for being the heavenly solution to a Cello dream. She performed the Cello for A Foregone Conclusion.

Natasha Senanayake, fondly known as "Natses", for writing the Cello arrangement for A Foregone Conclusion and for the arrangement/performance of Flute for both the original and alternate versions. She is also heard on the original version contributing harmonies and vocals to that memorable outro. Also, despite feeling it was not a "piano song", she magically conjured the arrangement and performed the beautiful piece for the alternate version of Aftermath.

Shehan Rodrigo for spending many hours of literal sweat and pizza consumption in arranging and performing the percussion for A Foregone Conclusion. Beautifully apt work by a brilliant musician.

Aayushi Jain for being forever the kindred spirit and for her serenely angel-esque vocal arrangement and performance on Fire/Desire.

The ever persistent cricket that resides in my apartment and lent "cricket vocals" to the recording of These Years & Aftermath. Thank you.

Dharini Udugama (D! *grins*) for never hesitating to part with her valuable studio headphones for the recording of this album for the better part of a year.

CC, who was subjected to many pestering whatsapp messages and emails. These songs sound the way they do because of his valuable advise. Thank you for being this album's sounding board and one of it's biggest advocates.

Malisha (Malmaal) for being a pillar of unrelenting encouragement and support.

Tuan Zaharan Rahim, Supun Weerasinghe, Mario De Kauwe, Sandunie Liyanagamage, Pavithra Jovan De Mello, Sanali Hennayake, Gina Beligammana for all pictures used in the inner artwork of the album.

Shehan Rodrigo for the beautiful artwork direction and Rusiru -Madhawa for the album cover photography.

These tunes were recorded at my little apartment in the silent wee hours of the night or early morning. The Cello and Flute was recorded at Natses' house. I wrote the music and lyrics for all the songs and it was an honor to be able to colloborate with these wonderful musicians and grounded human beings.

Thank You.

© 2015 Asela Perera All Rights Reserved

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